"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted." Ecclesiastes 3:1-2
The longer I'm around, the more aware I become that life consists of seasons. And most of the time, I am un-blissfully unaware of the particular season I am in. I just go through the motions of whatever my life looks like at the time, not realizing the broader story, the larger context of what is happening, or the boundaries that will eventually mark the end of one season and the beginning of the next. And usually I just pray for an end to the season I am in, complaining about it's difficulties while ignoring it's blessings.
When I began working as a nursing assistant this time last year, I knew it was the beginning of a season. I didn't know how long it would last, or what it would require of me, though. Those first few months of working night shift were, in and of themselves, a season. A grueling, caffeine-fueled, stress-riddled, sleep-deprived season. By the end of it, I was begging for someone, something, ANYTHING to save me from one more night of work. When I gave my 2 weeks notice, knowing that physically I couldn't continue working nights anymore, I didn't think I could make it through the full 2 weeks. It is only by the grace of God that I did.
As usual, once the season was over, I could reflect with some perspective. After that last night of work, it felt as though a veil had been lifted from my eyes, and I instantly was able to look back on the past 2 months and see what I had learned, about myself and about the people I was caring for, about people in general and how fragile we are. I was able to be thankful for a season which required everything of me, demanded that I pour myself out completely - no reserve, no backup tank. Every morning I left work at 6 AM, completely spent, and every night I HAD to pray for the strength to walk back through those doors, completely unable to do so on my own accord. If only I could have had those insights in the middle of the thing. How much better I would have felt, how much more equipped I would have been. Funny how in the middle of the most difficult experiences of our lives, we often are unable to see how God is carrying us through.
The next seasons of my life began a few months later: working as a nursing assistant while expecting a baby. Summer was the season of nausea. October and November, for me, was a season of mourning for me following the unexpected death of my dad. December was the season of waiting, waiting, waiting for the daily grind of work to be over. Finally, now I have had the blessing of having a very distinct change of seasons - maternity leave. And I am loving this newest season in my life. I have time to do my dishes. I have time to go grocery shopping without feeling rushed, and time to rest in preparation for a new life coming into our family.
I guess the point is, nothing lasts forever. Although in the middle of a season I often feel as though there is no end in sight, no relief from exhaustion, no rest for the weary, these are all lies that the enemy simply places in our heads to discourage us. Because no matter how long a season lasts, it is just that - a season. It has a beginning, a middle, and an end. Sometimes it gives way to another season that is even more challenging. Other times, it gives way to a season of restoration. If only I could be aware of the changing seasons of life, if I could find the lesson in it, if I could allow God to use it to work in me the work that He has planned for me, instead of fighting against it!
My hope and prayer, as this season gives way inevitably to yet another, is that with God's help I will see clearly, and embrace what is being taught to me. That when the baby is crying at 2 AM, and I am wondering if I will ever sleep soundly again, I will remember not just that there is an end coming someday, but that there are lessons to be learned every minute, lessons of grace and mercy and love that our loving Father prepares for all of us, if only we are willing to submit to His teaching.
